


peanut butter cookies

by orphan_account



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Gen, she/her pronouns for pidge, shiro calls pidge katie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-27
Updated: 2016-09-08
Packaged: 2018-07-26 23:52:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 7,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7595188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>one-shots that revolve around katie holt, also known as pidge gunderson.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. cutie patootie

**Author's Note:**

> \- intentional lowercase. i did it for the aesthetic  
> \- i use she/her pronouns for pidge  
> \- //may// have ships? but these are mostly about pidge and i don't rly ship her with anyone  
> \- any warnings/important things relevant to the story will be stated  
> \- i should mention that unless it's stated, none of the oneshots/drabbles are connected
> 
> i fell into robotic alien hell and it's g r e a t. pidge is my wife and i love her so much i will fight anyone who dares to disrespect her

pidge didn’t know what time it was, but she knew it was only a few minutes after shiro sent her to her room. shiro was a good man, but pidge couldn’t help like he only took care of her the way he did out of obligation. after all, he was the senior officer out of all of the paladins. he was the oldest, too. he was the most experienced, the eldest, and in pidge’s opinion; the most physically capable. and pidge––she was the youngest. she was definitely the physically weakest, even though she knew her clever and creative way of looking at problems were helpful, she couldn’t help but feel like she was at least a bit of a burden to her team. 

 

lance and hunk had good long ranged weapons, and keith was very good with his sword. and shiro was definitely a lot stronger than them, and he didn’t have his bayard––so pidge knew she wasn’t anything that important compared to the others. her bayard was nothing special. all she had was a small, pointed blade that can triple as a grappling hook and taser. it was... tiny. it was too much like her.

 

pidge groaned. being the weak link sucked. 

 

if she was being completely honest with herself, she knew all she was good for was technology. robotics was always her favourite thing, especially after matt was taken away from her. 

 

the green paladin fell face-first on her bed, letting her depressing thoughts consume her. it wasn’t healthy––she knew that. letting herself dig a hole like this wasn’t smart, but pidge just knew it was true. 

 

she sighed, and made her way out of her quarters. she grabbed her laptop, and scooped some galra parts she had managed to snag from the last attack. she walked over to her lion’s hanger. green was her only comfort these days. green chose her, chose pidge, who she knew was katie. 

 

instead of going to the hanger the extravagant way, she simply walked. she gripped the parts in her hands tightly, feeling herself begin to sweat. she sighed when the walk was over. green made a metallic purring noise, her eyes lighting up as pidge walked closer. pidge smiled gently.

 

“hey, green,” pidge murmured softly, climbing onto green’s head. green let out another metallic purr, trying to nuzzle her precious pilot. pidge felt green feed her thoughts, and pidge petted green, smiling. 

 

“you know, green... i can’t help but feel like i’m not the best for you,” pidge said quietly. green growled. pidge laughed humourlessly. “no, no, i’m not leaving... i just feel like i’m nothing compared to the others. even... even lance may be denser than neutron star, but he knows how to use his rifle and attack with it shockingly well. he’s good for fighting. i’m... all i’m good for is tech. and most of the time, the galra tech is completely useless. like me.”

 

green growled a little louder. pidge sighed. “i know, i know, green. if it weren’t for me, the castle would be under galra rule and we would all be dead. i know i’m alright at fighting. i know. that doesn’t mean i doubt it sometimes.” pidge looked down at her lion’s head. her hands began to tinker with the galra parts on instinct, and green vibrated under her. the small paladin laughed, hugging the majestic machine.

 

“i love you, green. it’s so easy to talk to you. thanks for listening,” pidge smiled, and green purred. “should i talk to the team about it? no... i don’t want to burden them with this. it can wait. right?” 

 

green made a noise of indifference, letting pidge know that the decision was up to her. pidge closed her eyes on the machine, lying down on green. green radiated familiarity and maternal love, something that pidge had ignored from her mother ever since matt and her father had disappeared. pidge’s eyes felt heavy, and she felt herself doze off on her beloved green.

 

* * *

 

“where is pidge?!” the princess demanded. the other four paladins looked at each other, confusion in all of their expressions.

 

“um? she may have slept in, right? she has the most horrendous sleeping schedule out of all of us.” hunk responded. he had a spoonful of green goo about to enter his mouth. shiro frowned.

 

“but i sent her to bed.” shiro said, raising an eyebrow. lance snorted.

 

“since when does pidge listen? she probably snuck off into an air vent and kept on doing research.” lance said, flinging green goo at keith. 

 

keith dodged. “negative. she installed cameras in there. me and allura checked those earlier this morning. she’s probably with her lion. doesn’t she hang in that lion’s den all the time?” 

 

allura frowned. “why would she go down there?” 

 

“moral support?” hunk interjected. coran smiled.

 

“most likely. she is the only female paladin. green would understand her better than anyone else. they do share a quintessential bond, after all.” 

 

“b-but, she can confide in me!” allura cried out. “i am a girl, and i am her friend! what happened to breasticles before testicles?!” 

 

“you watch parks and rec? and... isn’t green a girl, too?” hunk asked in shock. allura grinned.

 

“no, of course not. but, pidge said that to me once and it simply stuck. and yes! they all are––but i’m her human girl friend!” 

 

shiro interrupted the current conversation. 

 

“princess, you're an _alien,_ remember? and can you two,” shiro gestured at keith and hunk. “go down to green’s hanger and get pidge? if she’s not there, tell us and we’ll all go search throughout the castle. the princess and i will patrol the hallways.”

 

“what?! why can’t i go look for her!?” lance cried out. coran smiled widely. 

 

“because you are going to help me finish cleaning the training room!” the hearty royal advisor said, dragging the blue paladin to the training room. 

 

“i’ll bet you pidge’s glasses for the hour that she’s sleeping on green.” keith said, grinning. hunk smiled back. “deal.”

 

the two boys made their way to pidge’s lion hanger. they had a bit of banter going on, until they both cooed softly at the sight before them. 

 

the smaller of the paladins was dead asleep on top of her lion. she had small galra parts in her hands, and her laptop was sitting next to her. her glasses were about to fall off her nose and she had hair in her face.

 

“should we just leave her there?” hunk asked softly. he knew how hard it was for pidge to get a good night’s sleep. keith nodded stiffly. 

 

“let’s just tell them she’s on her lion, taking a very well deserved nap. she works harder than all of us. maybe not physically, but mentally? holy shit. if i spent all my time decoding an alien language my head would probably implode. i feel like she’s trying to make up for the fact she’s a girl sometimes, y’know?” keith said quietly. “like, i feel like she’s trying to do so much work so we think she’s useful. even though she doesn’t have to do that.” 

 

hunk nodded. “i think pidge has an inferiority complex. like, when she told us she was a girl, she thought it would change our opinion about her.”

 

“she’s still pidge.” keith murmured, walking out of the den. hunk followed.

 

when they were gone, pidge opened one of her eyes, smiling softly and feeling her eyes well up. 

 

“t-they... they don’t think of me like that... that’s good to know.” pidge murmured, feeling herself fall asleep again with green vibrating under her. that... sneaky... c..at...

 

* * *

 

“you need to see this, shiro!” hunk said excitedly. the black paladin turned around to see hunk smiling like a kid in a candy store. “i have witnessed the most adorable thing and i demand that everyone in this ship sees it.”

 

“excuse me? are you implying i’m not the most adorable thing?” lance asked, winking at allura. hunk and keith both looked at lance with serious expressions. “yes. that is exactly what we’re implying.” the two said in sync. 

 

lance, shiro, allura and coran looked very confused. hunk just grinned. “go inside of green’s den.” all four them looked at keith and hunk skeptically, but did so anyway. 

 

“this better be cuter than––” lance was cut off at the sight of an adorable sleeping pidge. 

 

shiro’s eyes were wide and full of fondness, and allura and coran both cooed at the sight, just as hunk and keith had. lance was sputtering. 

 

“holy shit she’s cute,” he breathed. “w-wait, no! i cannot betray my princess!” lance stammered loudly. he turned to allura. “i am terribly sorry––”

 

pidge began to stir.

 

everyone in the room glared at the blue paladin, including green. the green lion growled softly at lance, who now began to panic.

 

“h-huh? what’s everyone doing in here?” pidge muttered. green stopped growling to purr at her chosen. the others looked at pidge and green. they can actually communicate? 

 

“oh... i see. you put me back to sleep, you sneaky cat!” pidge said, flailing around and falling off of green. green made a strange metallic sound that almost sounded like laughter. pidge glared at her precious lion. 

 

she tensed, realising her friends were all behind her. she slowly turned around, her face becoming even redder as she turned to face them. 

 

“i- uh- i had business to take care of with green! and i was working on a new machine––well, it’s not _really_ new if it’s a replica––but that’s irrelevant! what are you all doing here!?” pidge rambled, stomping her foot at her question. 

 

lance was still staring at the green paladin. 

 

“oh my _god,_ i’m so weak.” lance groaned, falling to his knees. “pidge, i _demand_ you stop being so damn cute.” 

 

pidge’s gaze snapped to meet lance. “e-excuse me?!”

 

lance pointed at her accusingly. “you were absolutely adorable while you were sleeping on green, and now look at you! you have a cute bedhead and you look like you actually _enjoyed_ sleeping for the first time in forever!”

 

pidge was stunned. 

 

she nervously rubbed the back of her neck. “well- uh- i gotta blast.” she sprinted out of green lion’s hanger and started to freak out, and the rest of her team heard the whole thing.

 

“she’s too cute,” allura giggled into her hand. “i would have to guess she’s finally had a good dream.” shiro nodded. the others began to follow pidge back to the main room. 

 

* * *

 

pidge looked at the mirror. _she looked like she was glowing._ for the first time ever since matt and her dad disappeared, she hadn’t dreamed about losing them––she dreamed about her _memories with them._

 

she smiled into the mirror and took off her glasses, kissing the rim of the left lens.

 

“i’m going to find you, matt, dad. i promise.” 


	2. i'm a girl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> what's going through pidge's head when she tells everyone her secret?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- i used the actual script from the show for the dialogue bc i didnt want to risk making the mistake if i did it from memory  
> \- i was watching the actual episode "taking flight" but added my own stuff anyway because i can  
> \- i use lowercase letters for aesthetic purposes.

“it’s time to _man up._ ” pidge heard hunk say. pidge looked down at the table, a twinge of anxiety filling her up to the core. the mice looked at her in worry. out in the corner of her mind, she comprehended shiro saying _something,_ and she noticed everyone around her begin to move.

 

“wait,” pidge heard herself say. everyone turned to look at her. she felt herself tense up. pidge released a deep breath, shaking a little. “i have something to say first. i need to come clean.” pidge dug her nails into the palms of her hands. “and i’m afraid this may change the way you all think about me. just so there are no more secrets between us anymore, i can’t _man up_.” pidge felt her eyes go glossy before she forced them away.

 

“i’m a girl.”

 

silence filled the room, and pidge being pidge filled the silence with her own rambling. “i-i mean, i can _man up_ because that’s just a figure of speech. i don’t have to actually be a man to _man up––_ i just have to be tough. but what i’m saying––”

 

“w-w-what...? you’re a girl?!how?!” pidge heard lance say. pidge was about to retort saying _well i posed as a boy so it would be harder for garrisons to actually recognise me as the girl who hacked into their top secret files like three times but yeah i’ve been a girl ever since i came out of my mom’s stretched out vagina._

 

pidge heard the others say that they knew, or that they had the impression, which instantly calmed her anxiety. _they didn’t care._ pidge smiled.

 

“it’s good to get that off my chest. now, let’s launch this castle-ship!” pidge cheered, grinning the goofiest grin any of the other paladins had ever seen on the shortest and youngest of the group. he––no, _she’d_ always been so serious all the time, only opening up emotionally when it had to do with her family.

 

this was what it meant to trust her team.

 

pidge let out a laugh of happiness. _dad was right._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u enjoyed!!


	3. wake me up (wake me up inside)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> nightmares are horrible, especially for pidge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- idk what this was i think it was vent writing  
> \- i am ready to fight  
> -lowercase aesthetic. remember.

_“katie..._ **_katie..._ ** _why aren’t you looking for us?” cried out matt and her father. pidge––no, katie reached out to her missing family._

 

_“matt! dad! i-i’m trying! hold on!” katie cried out, trying to stretch her arms out to reach her beloved brother and father. they, too, tried to reach katie’s arms, but simply couldn’t._

 

_“katie, help us!” they cried out. they’re bodies began to faze away, and the last thing katie saw was her beloved older brother cry out as he disappeared._

 

_“i’m so sorry, matt! dad, matt, i’ll find you!” katie cried out, trying to step forward but_ **_not being able to move._ ** _“matt!”_

 

“-idge? pidge! wake up!” someone cried. the girl’s eyes opened suddenly, and she gasped for air. her eyes were glazed with tears and the image of matt crying fresh in her mind. 

 

lance and hunk were sitting in front of her, hunk holding her shoulder and lance leaning in front of her. they both looked concerned. 

 

“matt!” pidge cried out, struggling in hunk’s grip. “let me go! matt! dad!” she screamed, trying to kick herself out of hunk’s arms. “they need me! i have to save them!” pidge shouted, the tears finally staining her cheeks. 

 

“woah, woah––pidge; calm down. who’s matt?” lance asked softly, trying to calm the small paladin. pidge was panting, crying and hitting hunk with everything she had. 

 

“she can really pack a punch,” hunk mumbled, staying still and his grip on pidge’s arm tightening. “my arm is going to be so bruised tomorrow.” 

 

lance laughed.

 

pidge stopped struggling but she was still freaking out.

 

“matt... dad... they need me. they need pidge. i have to go help them. i need to save them...” pidge mumbled, her eyes still producing tears and sweat beginning to clam up her hands.

 

“matt’s your brother, huh?” hunk asked quietly. pidge nodded furiously, rubbing her eyes. lance patted her shoulder. 

 

“you’re dad and bro are going to be okay, pidge. i prom––”

 

“don’t make promises you can’t keep, lance.” pidge mumbled. hunk let go of her shoulder and she brought her knees up to her face, and began to _sob._

 

hunk and lance both glanced at each other, worry evident in their faces. 

 

“pidge, what’s going on?” hunk asked her softly. the green paladin laughed, but it was with no humour. 

 

“i... i had a nightmare. it’s nothing,” pidge managed through her tears. “it was about my dad and matt... i’ve been having these dreams ever since they were taken away. it’s fine.”

 

“but it’s not fine if you’re freaking out this much over a dream, pidge.” lance said quietly. pidge growled at him, but hunk began to rub her back softly, causing her to calm down.

 

“it’s normal.” pidge insisted. the crying and panting was beginning to tire her out again. hunk and lance noticed, and they began to quiet down.

 

“that doesn’t mean it’s okay, pidge. get some sleep. we’ll be here when you wake up.” hunk smiled at the girl, and pidge nodded reluctantly. against her will, she began to doze off again.

 

_“katie!” matt ran towards her, embracing her in his arms. “we’re back. i’m sorry it took so long.”_

 

_katie smiled, tears brimming in her eyes. she tightened her arms around her older brother, feeling his shirt begin to moisten up due to her tears._

 

_“shh. sis, it’s okay._ **_i’m okay._ ** _dad is okay. you’re okay. we’re okay.”_

 

_katie smiled, bringing her brother closer._

 

_“it’s nice to see you, matt. i missed you.”_

 

pidge woke up crying again. but this time, it was happy tears.


	4. don't talk to me, don't look at me, don't breathe in my direction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pidge is really good at what she does regularly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- high school!au  
> \- i was listening to "what the fuck did you just fucking say about me you little bitch" and "my family thinks i'm gay" while writing this  
> \- wake me up (wake me up inside)  
> \- a e s t h e t i c

pidge looked at matt with slight confusion.

 

“matt, are they _joking?!_ i’m only fourteen! not that i specifically mind skipping _another_ grade than i was supposed to, but i’m going to be a fourteen year old among sixteen and seventeen year olds! i don’t think it’s a good idea.” pidge admitted. 

 

matt grinned. “katie, this is great! we’re going to be in all the same classes. besides, being a freshie sucks. but here you are, a _junior!_ you’re like, the real life hiro hamada.”

 

pidge smiled. “i guess. but, i’ll have like no friends.”

 

matt rolled his eyes playfully. “you have your robots and your plants. you’ve always been happy with those! you even have a whole _greenhouse_ that you built by yourself because dad bet that you couldn’t. you’ll be fine, pidge. besides, you’ll shut anyone who disrespects you, your robots _or_ your plants quicker than i can say rover.” 

 

pidge looked down at the paper in front of her. “okay. okay! i’ll do it. i’ll go straight into high school skipping two years. this’ll be fun.”

 

“that’s my pidgy sister.”

 

* * *

 

“did you hear?! they let a _fourteen_ year old skip two years here.” lance whispered. his best friend, hunk looked at him in confusion. 

 

“yeah, i know. _we_ know. she’s going to be in our robotics class,” hunk said. “and everyone’s been talking about it. she’s _matt holt’s_ sister.”

 

lance gasped. “that’s why she’s such a genius! do you think i can charm her up into doing my homework for the rest of the year?”

 

hunk knew that he couldn’t. he’s _met_ pidge––she was probably the toughest person he knew besides his mama. but, just to humiliate the poor boy; “yeah. she won’t be able to resist the lance charm.”

 

lance grinned sinisterly. “alright, where is miss holt?”

 

hunk pointed to the shortest person in the vicinity. lance smiled, turned his charm factor all the way up, and sauntered his way up to the short girl.

 

“ _hey,_ my name is lance. what’s yours?” lance said, flirt radiating off of his voice. 

 

the short girl turned over to him. she had amber eyes and light brown hair. she looked like the carbon copy of her brother. she eyed lance before opening her locker and pulling out a book.

 

“name’s katie. now fuck off. i have to go to robotics.” she said firmly. she turned around, her long hair slapping lance in the face. lance’s eyes widened.

 

“hunk, _dude!_ she has a flying robot with her!” lance whisper shouted. katie, or pidge––anyone who knew katie knew everyone called her pidge––stopped walking and was smirking slightly. 

 

“his name is rover. now rover, why don’t you show this annoying boy what you can do!” pidge said, cooing to the small robot. rover snuggled up to pidge before shooting a small light at lance, which _looked_ to do nothing.

 

“wow, he can shine a light–– _ow!_ what the hell?!” lance shouted. pidge laughed, and rover stopped emitting the light.

 

“his flashlight also shoots out small electric waves. anything that touches the light for too long gets a bit of a jolt or a slightly stronger shock if i ask rover to do so. he’s my precious little peanut butter snack, aren’t you?” pidge grabbed rover and hugged the tiny robot. 

 

hunk observed the small girl. she was a brilliant builder and was amazing with tech. apparently, also very _affectionate_ with tech.

 

“we have robotics, too. can we walk with you?” hunk asked kindly. pidge turned over to him, and eyed him. she smiled.

 

“oh, you worked with matt on a history project last year, right?”

 

hunk nodded. 

 

“yeah, i remember. matt came back with an a+ on that project. good work. usually it’s only a b when he works with someone else.” pidge remembered. hunk grinned.

 

“that day, matt told me you hadn’t slept for three days because you were working on something. you didn’t sleep for _seventy-two hours!_ are you insane?!”

 

pidge grinned evilly. “no. i was working on a sun simulator by messing with chemicals that simulate the radiation that the sun gives off. my dad works in a chemistry lab so he sneaks me bits and pieces of stuff that i need. i’m a very avid gardner. plants are my everything. robots mean the world to me. i only pull consecutive all-nighters if i’m working on something that’s given me a breakthrough. the sun simulator was great because i could finally close my damn window.”

 

“so you’re a terrifying fourteen year old that is smart enough to mess with radiation. gotcha.” hunk laughed, starting the trek to robotics. pidge brought rover back into her arms, but the robot refused. she pouted at her precious creation, watching it fly above her.

 

“ho-how did you get it to _fly?!”_ lance asked, bewildered and in awe. pidge smirked.

 

“a technician never reveals her secrets.”

 

* * *

 

pidge had never felt more exhausted before in her life. it was only the third month of school and she had _already_ pulled three consecutive all-nighters.

 

she groaned, walking to her first period class. her head was thudding and her eyes were incredibly sensitive. a very familiar blue boy was next to her.

 

“piiiiiiiiiidge––”

 

“i have not slept in seventy-two hours. don’t talk to me, don’t look at me, don’t breathe in my direction.” pidge growled at the taller boy. 

 

lance pouted, but still respected her need for quiet. he noticed he had a bag full of cookies in her hands, undoubtedly her sugar intake keeping her conscious. 

 

it was _so_ unfair. the teachers never reprimanded her because she’s such a _good student._ she and matt were always on top of their game, and that’s saying pidge is usually half-asleep.

 

computer tech was one of pidge’s favourite classes. she was the only person in her core that could actually read and write in binary. 

 

speaking of binary...

 

“pidge, what does your shirt say?” lance asked quietly, as not to disturb her. pidge grumbled. her shirt was black with the number order full of ones and zeroes in a white font.

 

“it says _short people are closer to hell._ matt actually made it on redbubble and bought it from himself to get for me,” pidge said fondly, gripping the material. “it was mostly because i’m such an imp towards him. i constantly leave cactus pricks on his things.” 

 

lance laughed, which made pidge wince. ouch. 

 

the teacher, which everyone called shiro, eventually entered the class, having the students open their laptops.

 

“morning, kids. today’s core will be very simple––all i ask is that you create your own website. you can choose on what system, be it livejournal, wordpress––”

 

“tumblr?” pidge asked tiredly. the older kids around her snickered. _you can’t code tumblr––_

 

“you can create a website on tumblr?” shiro asked. pidge yawned.

 

“y-yeah. you make a blog. and the theme is all html coding. it’s actually really fun. it’s essentially the same as wordpress and livejournal, just the people on it are... less than admirable.” pidge was about to fall asleep. she stuffed another cookie in her mouth, letting the sugar wake her up a little bit.

 

shiro considered.

 

“okay, sure. whatever––as long as it will end in you having an _ORIGINAL_ website. i will be checking.” shiro warned. some of the other students groaned. pidge walked up to shiro.

 

“can i use the theme i have for my tumblr already? i made it myself.” pidge asked. she wanted to get some sleep, and an hour would be _perfect._ shiro nodded.

 

“as long as you can prove it’s yours.” 

 

pidge grinned. she _made_ themes all the time! and she regularly put them on pastebin, so she quickly logged in to her tumblr, copied her code, and created a new one for the assignment. she pasted the code in, saved, closed her laptop, and _died._

 

* * *

 

“why did you stay up for three days again, pidge?” matt asked her. “you usually do that when you have a breakthrough. what did you discover?” 

 

pidge grinned tiredly. “i managed to make a working z-phone using my phone.” 

 

matt’s eyes bugged. “you risked you _eight hundred dollar_ phone on the possibility of you being able to call holographically?!” matt asked loudly, disbelief radiating from his expression. pidge laughed lazily.

 

“yep. in the name of science. but it doesn’t work yet––i need to program someone else’s phone the same way so it works.”

 

“you are not using mine.” matt declared. pidge snickered. “don’t worry, bro. hunk’s letting me mess around with his phone for the day so i’m going to alter his.” 

 

matt wiggled his eyebrows. “hunk, huh?”

 

pidge rolled her eyes. “i’m running on zero hours of sleep. i can destroy you right now. don’t push it.” matt burst into laughter. 

 

“alright, alright. just let me know if you need help with anything. i’ll happily help you reprogram your friend’s phone.” matt offered. pidge shook her head.

 

“first thing first, i’m going to _sleep.”_

 

matt looked at his sister fondly.

 

“i love you, pidge.” 

 

matt ruffled his sister’s hair, letting her sleep on his desk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these r good for my mental state jfc. i'm actually venting out in my writing :^)


	5. don't mess with matt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> katie is the leader of the #mattholtprotectionsquad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- another high school au because im weak  
> \- it's a matt/pidge brotp thing because i will bet pidge is so fuckin protective of matt  
> \- and she's tiny !! people dont take her seriously  
> \- but she's terrifying! watch ur fuckin back man  
> \- bullying? kind of? idk watch out if your sensitive to that kind of stuff  
> \- i dont really know where this was headed

they were commonly known as the holt siblings. there was almost no point in trying to differentiate them––they acted exactly the _same._ matt and katie holt; they had three very _important_ characteristics. 

 

first of all, they were both _terrifyingly_ smart. 

 

the scary factor was probably more applicable to katie; she was a fourteen year old _genius._ she and matt worked together on everything they could. matt and katie destroyed any science projects, created functioning robots _and_ built their own computers! 

 

secondly, they were both extremely asocial.

 

they never hung out with anyone besides each other. they had some power in the school; they’re father was the robotics professor so they had basically identical schedules and were always seated next to each other. the teachers adored them––they even let katie carry around the robot she had named rover because it was _such a breakthrough!_ everyone scoffed; a tiny robot––shit. it can fly.

 

thirdly, and most importantly, _they were complete savages._

 

on katie’s side of the spectrum, she was brutally honest and since she was usually dead tired, she was blunt, sarcastic, and done with everyone’s bullshit. and for a fourteen year old, she was _harsh._

 

on the other hand, matt’s savageness was rated on his ability to calm his sister _down._ he was the only one who could calm her down after a specifically brave upperclassman would comment on her height or would _dare_ to touch her equipment. he insulted the perpetrators of his sister’s anger so _harshly_ that it made katie laugh and forget that she was ever angry.

 

anger. it was one of the things that was really the difference between katie and matt. katie was regularly upset while matt was regularly happy. she was always brooding while he was always smiling. one time, someone asked the shorter holt if she was on her period. in retaliation, her darling robot rover actually _landed on the person’s head very hard and caused them to fall on the floor._

 

meet the holts. of course, things are never quite what they seem.

 

* * *

 

the holt siblings were currently in the eldest holt’s bedroom, both taking care of their... _pets._

 

“matt!” katie complained. “i need help. my lion is starting to freak out again...”

 

matt grinned. “hold on, pidge. on my way––just dealing with my turtle.” 

 

“oh yeah; _zarkon._ you’re such a nerd, matt. you named your goddamn turtle as if he was an alien overlord.” katie said, rolling her eyes. matt’s grin widened.

 

“i’ll have you know that _zarkon_ ** _is_** an alien overlord! he rules over a reptilian race of creatures called the.. uh, galra! they rule the known universe!” matt exclaimed, putting his hand against his chest mockingly. “father and i have been kidnapped by these nasty creatures. pidge, save us!” matt cried out, putting a pillow between him and his sister. katie laughed.

 

“oh, no! green and i will have to stop him!” katie cried out, grabbing her tiny mechanical lion and putting it on matt’s head. “but, green needs repairs. matt, help me fix her up because i want to show it to dad tomorrow!”

 

* * *

 

“look, the smartasses are back!” laughed out an upperclassman somewhat bitterly. matt and katie both ignored the older boy, swiftly making their way to their own lockers. the boy scoffed, and grabbed matt’s backpack strap.

 

“don’t ignore me, dipshit,” the boy growled. matt looked at him with amusement in his eyes.

 

“haxus, right? you should probably let go of my backpack.” matt stated, a small smile grazing his lips. haxus frowned. 

 

“why? _scared?_ or you going to tell you _daddy_?” haxus mocked. matt let out a snort. 

 

“don’t have to. i got pidge here with me.”

 

haxus felt a hard kick at his ankle, and he cried out in pain. he suddenly fell on the floor. the shorter of the duo was standing over him and glaring.

 

“don’t you dare touch my brother, you piece of shit. now, i have a mechanical lion in my backpack and she _will_ maul your fucking eyes out if you mess with matt again,” katie whispered. she bent down, meeting eye level with the perpetrator of the wrongdoing.

 

she grabbed the collar of his shirt, and pulled him close to her face. “i _will_ fucking destroy you if you hurt matt. watch your back, you douchebag.”

 

she let go of him, letting him fall back on the floor and walked back with matt.

 

* * *

 

“do you think you got your message across?” matt asked katie. katie grinned. 

 

“hope so. one of these days, i’m going to let green and rover at him,” katie said, laughing as matt held her lion above her head. “matt, give her back!” 

 

matt laughed out loud, reaching over to his sister and rubbing her hair.

 

“we’re a good team.”

 

* * *

 

 

so, the number one characteristic changer between the holt brother and the holt sister is that the holt sister will  _fight anyone and everyone_ while the holt brother let's it happen. people don't understand it, but they don't have to.


	6. 264 hours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She broke the record, but at what cost?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wanna try this but i'll literally die
> 
> \- i dont know what this is, don't ask

“save me from the nothing i’ve become.” pidge muttered tiredly. her head was thudding like there was no tomorrow and she felt like absolute _shit._

 

despite being up in outer space in a galaxy far, far away, she still kept track of earth time. and low and behold, she had stayed awake for more than 264 hours, breaking the world record back on earth. 

 

_technically,_ she did have stimuli, but she had no means of consuming caffeine. the light that radiated off of her computer counted as stimuli, but not to the degree that something like coffee would. 

 

luckily for pidge, the castle was in a rare peaceful sector of the universe, so no galras would be attacking. however, that didn’t mean _allura_ wasn’t going to attack.

 

not sleeping for over eleven days and nights was something pidge _never_ wanted to do again. she slumped over the table in the mess hall, putting her head down and closing her eyes.

 

she was out like a light. 

 

* * *

 

the others walked in about ten minutes after pidge had _died_ on the table.

 

“woah... i’ve never seen her sleep before!” lance whispered. keith rolled his eyes. 

 

“that’s because whenever this,” keith gestured to the sleeping paladin on the table. “happens, shiro usually finds her in a weird, tight space. i can’t believe she’s nodded off in a semi-practical place.” 

 

hunk looked at pidge before looking back at keith.

 

“i heard her say she was _trying to break the record._ i... _quiznak_. do any of you know the world record for the longest time someone has gone without any sleep?” hunk asked, panicking slightly. “because i bet my bottom dollar she just beat it and is now _dead_ right in front of us!”

 

“i think... it’s like, two weeks or something?” keith said cautiously. hunk looked at pidge. 

 

“no wonder she’s been so off. i _told_ you she wasn’t on her period,” lance said to keith. “i have _sisters,_ dude.”

 

“every uterus is different,” keith snapped, sighing. “why are we even having this conversation?” shiro looked dumbfounded. _she hadn’t slept for two weeks?!_

 

“pidge is going to be in so much trouble when she wakes up,” lance whispered to hunk. “shiro looks like he wants to strangle her.” hunk shook his head.

 

“i doubt he could ever land a hit on pidge. she’s his soft spot, remember?” hunk laughed a little. no one on the team could ever hurt pidge. they’ve all become protective over the tiny paladin. they all adored how her eyes lit up when she was telling them stories about her family, or how she would laugh whenever lance said something ridiculously _horrible_ that it was funny. 

 

pidge was simply everyone’s soft spot. and knowing that she most definitely overexerted herself trying to stay awake for almost two weeks... 

 

shiro’s eyes hardened. _she has to take better care of herself!_

 

lance picked up the exhausted girl. “i’m taking this tired bird to her room.” 

 

“good idea.” shiro said firmly. “and when you come back, we’re training.”

 

* * *

 

pidge woke up about two days later. she was in her bed, and she was under about seventeen blankets. she checked her clock, and it read _3:34 a.m._ she got up, and stretched, feeling several bones pop into place.

 

when she opened her door, she saw the other four paladins outside her door. shiro and keith were sleeping and hunk and lance were staring at the door in dazed concentration. pidge laughed.

 

“hi, boys.” she yawned. the two boys that were awake gasped.

 

“you’re alive!” hunk shouted, hugging pidge’s thin body rather tightly. pidge gasped.

 

“i never died, hunk.” she said, though it was muffled. hunk shook his head.

 

“ _why did you try and break the world record?!”_ hunk yelled. pidge’s eyes widened.

 

“i didn’t try, hunk. i did it.”

 

“not the time for being a smartass!” lance said, shoving his finger in her chest, poking her rather harshly. “you terrified us!”

 

pidge rose her arms in defense. “okay, i’m sorry. i won’t stay up for over eleven days straight ever again.”

 

“ _good.”_

 

pidge had her fingers crossed.


	7. pluto

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> katie loves it. pidge doesn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- this was a vent drabble  
> \- theyre all vent drabbles tbh  
> \- i was listening to heathens while writing this  
> \- ? im tryin to write an altean!pidge au but idk  
> \- inspiration is hard to find  
> \- super slow updates once i finish the first chapter  
> \- soz

katie’s favourite planet was pluto. it was the odd one out, the one that was different. _like her._ she had always been different compared to everyone at her school when she was little. she liked to play with the dinosaurs instead of the dolls.

 

the other little girls made fun of her for it, but it was okay, because katie’s older brother promised her that katie could play with whatever she wanted, whether it was with barbie or a brontosaurus. katie loved pluto.

 

it was small, it was cold, and it was _rejected_ by the world. katie could relate. it had only two friends; charon and kerberos. just like katie, with her two friends; her dog rover and her brother matt.

 

however, _pidge_ hates pluto. pluto took two out of the three people she loves. pidge hates pluto, kerberos, and charon. she hates it all. it’s _pluto’s_ fault that matt is gone. 

 

pidge looks down at the photo of katie and matt, caressing katie softly. 

 

“katie’s dead,” she murmurs. “and pidge isn’t happy.” 

 

she shoves the picture back into her pocket, stalking over to her hanger and feeling the tears brim. 


	8. alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> venting is fun

“sorry, i don’t have time to mess around with you guys. see you in the simulator,” pidge said, turning away from the pilot and engineer. she heard a vague “what’s _his_ problem?” but ignored it. she got to the corner of the hallway, and turned back.

 

_alone._

 

pidge figured this is how it was going to be from here on out, until she found her dad and matt.

 

_what is my problem?_ pidge mused to herself. _it’s that i’m all alone without my best friend._

 

whenever pidge felt sad, she pulled out the photo of herself and matt to make herself feel sadder. then, she cried herself to sleep. it was a good system; it got her to sleep. she would wake up exhausted, but it was the only way for her to properly get any sleep. 

 

“maybe i should try to eat away my sorrows,” pidge mumbled, heading to the cafeteria and grabbing some peanut butter and bread. it was a simple lunch, but pidge could thrive off of peanut butter. 

 

when she saw hunk and lance, she hurriedly grabbed the items and went to her dorm. she didn’t need them on her case. she closed the door, and exhaled. 

 

_time to drown._


	9. plants

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i believe that pre-kerberos, katie called matt "matty b" as a means to annoy him

pidge grimaced at the dead fish. matt was laughing, while her parents were both in awe. 

 

“how did you kill a _goldfish?_ ” sam said incredulously, sighing at his daughter. matt was trying to regain his breath, and pidge was glaring at her brother. she took a deep breath and turned towards her mother and father.

 

“i told you; i _cannot_ take care of pets. the only reason rover is still _alive_ is because you all live here, too. i forget to feed _myself,_ like hell i’m going to remember to feed a _fish,_ ” pidge huffed, gesturing at the fish like it was _obviously_ going to die under her care. sam sighed again, before grabbing his keys.

 

“let’s try... _plants._ ” 

 

little did sam holt know, letting pidge take care of plants was going to be a turning point in the holt family household.

 

* * *

 

“matty b, leave susie alone,” pidge whined, trying to grab her precious succulent from matt’s grasp. matt let out a snort before giving pidge her cactus. 

 

“don’t call me that. and why do you _name_ your plants?” matt asked his sister. pidge shrugged.

 

“non-sentient creatures understand me more than you ever could,” pidge said dramatically, pulling some of her hair onto her face. “nah, just kidding,” she then said, blowing the brown strands out of her eyes. “but seriously, non-sentient creatures are way easier to deal with.”

 

“building and programming a water system does not count as “dealing with,” katie.” matt deadpanned, turning his gaze on the pipes that lead onto pidge’s windowsill, now completely covered in flowers, potted-plants, and succulents. pidge grinned wickedly at her brother.

  
“yes it does!”

 

“whatever, katie,” matt said, rolling his eyes. “do you want me to bring you in some spare metal parts from the science club?” pidge’s eyes gleamed.

 

“yes, thank you matty!”


	10. nailing myself into the closet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- tw for misgendering and implied transphobia  
> \- matt is a transboy  
> \- katie is a transgirl  
> \- and she aint no crybaby either  
> \- she'll do anything to make sure her family is safe

the mirror looked cold. katie looked down at the scissors, squeezing her eyes tightly. it took so much out of her to just reach out and touch them. 

 

after all the courage to let herself become _katie holt,_ she was going to give it all up. anything to find matt and her father. she was willing to _nail_ herself back into the closet if it meant finding what really happened to her family.

 

“first day of school,” she glowered at her reflection. the last time she ever saw her beloved long hair. “time for a haircut.”

 

 

“who the heck is _pidge gunderson?”_

 

katie tensed up, before clearing her throat. “right here,” she said. the two boys in front of her turned to face her, and the larger boy, _hunk,_ stuck out his hand. katie put her own small one in his, squeezing it firmly. the other boy, _lance,_ was talking. however, she was ignoring him.

 

_pidge._ it was a nickname matt had given her. it technically wasn’t a nickname, more of an insult, but it was something katie was used to responding to, even it was usually a smartass response. but katie’s favourite part about being called _pidge_ is that it was gender neutral. 

 

after all, she refused to go _that_ far into the closet; the birth name was a no-no. 

 

“we should probably start bonding _now._ i say we––” lance had begun to speak, but katie was tuning him out in favour of tuning that damned _iverson_ in.

 

“––it’s been breached once! and by a little _girl_ no less! it cannot happen again!” he said, his single eye glaring at the woman in front of him. katie felt herself relax slightly. at least he wasn’t calling her a boy. 

 

she snapped back to attention after he walked past, and lance was asking her another flood of questions. she tensed up again at the mention of _girls._

 

“sorry, i don’t have time to mess around with you guys,” she muttered. “see you in the simulator.” katie stalked away, looking ahead of her, trying to ignore the two boys behind her.

 

“what is _his_ problem?” lance had asked hunk. but katie _heard,_ and she felt a cold shock fill her veins. _his. he._

 

_pidge gunderson is a boy,_ katie thought to herself desperately. _you’re not. katie holt is still there._

 

katie felt tears begin to well up in her eyes before forcing them away. _no._ katie thought, clenching her fist, her nails digging into her skin. _tears are for family only._

 

 

katie only remembers crying legitimately five times. the first time, was when her _brother_ came back from school with seven bruises and a broken arm. 

 

“ _i got beaten up by some guys at school,_ he had said. matt must have been about 16, and katie was only eight, and still allowing herself to be a boy. katie had held onto matt’s good arm for about three hours, crying. after all, who could hurt her amazing brother? he was the best person ever, after all.

 

it wasn’t until matt leaned down and pressed his forehead against her own, and he spoke.

 

“ _listen, pidge,_ ” he murmured. “ _some people at my school don’t like me because i still have “”girl parts._ ”” _but you guys do like me. my family cares about me, and that’s all i care about._ ” 

 

it was after that day, matt had transferred to a school called _the galaxy garrison._ dad had told katie that since he worked there, matt would be able to live life just like before. katie was happy, her _brother_ was safe.

 

the second time katie remembers legitimately crying was when she was ten. she had to go to the bathroom, but she didn’t feel like going into the boys’ bathroom. after all, she didn’t feel like a boy most of the time. instead, she had gone into the girls’ bathroom, and gotten in trouble. 

 

she argued with the teacher who had scolded her for about fifteen minutes before she was sent to the office.

 

a call had went home, and katie was _terrified_ of being in trouble. when her mom came into the office to talk with the teacher, she knelt down and asked why katie had gone into the girls’ bathroom.

 

katie had responded, “ _i don’t feel like a boy. i feel like a_ _girl._ ”

 

after that, when katie went home, her mom gave her some skirts to wear, and katie was so _happy._ she hugged her mom’s leg, throwing her arms around her mother’s waist and squeezing tightly. her 18 year old brother had smiled softly at her before letting katie know he was there for her.

 

the third time, was when she had come out to her family. she was 12, and she had finally found a word that described everything she was. _transgender. mtf._ she had grabbed one of matt’s old dresses and one of her mother’s old headbands. she grabbed the smallest bra she could find in her mother’s drawer, putting it on and and stuffing the cups with tissue paper. she put on the dress and headband before walking to matt’s room first. 

 

she knocked on the door quietly, feeling herself shake. the knob opened, and her darling brother had opened the door, a gentle surprised look on his face. 

 

“ _matt,_ ” katie had croaked, feeling the tears well up in her eyes. “ _i’m like you._ ”

 

matt had embraced her tightly, before whispering “ _go tell mom and dad._ ” 

 

she did, and she hadn’t felt more loved before. no more of her old name, no more of he and him. it was katie holt, the beloved _daughter_ of samuel and linda holt, with the amazing older _brother_ named matthew holt. katie smiled so much that day, the next morning her cheekbones were sore. she didn’t care. 

 

they had gotten her some estrogen and progesterone hormones and katie had never felt happier.

 

the fourth time, was when she was 13 and her brother and father had gone inside of the garrison’s rocket with a boy named _takashi shirogone._

 

matt was 21, takashi was 24, and her dad was nearing into his fifties. when the three of them entered the rocket ship, katie felt the waterworks emerge from her eyes. her mom had gripped her shoulder tightly, and both of them were staring at the launch, already missing their family.

 

the fifth time happened only five months later...

 

“ _the galaxy garrison mission to the distant moon of kerberos is missing, and all crew members are believed to be dead. the galaxy garrison has said the crash was presumably caused by pilot error. it is, indeed, a sad day for all humanity._ ”

 

the news anchor had said that as if it were _nothing._ they was just reading off of a _notecard._ it wasn’t _genuine._ katie felt a stab in her heart. her _brother,_ her _father––_

 

_no._ katie had thought, the hot tears rolling down her cheeks. anger rolled off of her in waves and she clenched her fists. _it’s not true._ for the little she knew about takashi, she knew that the garrison wouldn’t send someone who would make a measly _pilot error._ it wasn’t that; there was _something_ missing from the puzzle.

 

 

katie was thankful the garrison had given her a private dorm. she didn’t have to wear the binder in her room. she was free to wear her hidden bras and feel like the _girl_ she was _._

 

katie looked down at the picture of her and matt: she was in her favourite pink dress, smiling and looking happy. both of the holt siblings looked happy, and katie felt another stream of tears fall down her face.

 

_i miss you, dad, matt._


	11. save her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pidge is suffering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cisgirl pidge
> 
> menstration tw
> 
> i'm on my period and i'm ready for death. sorry for the late updates; school has been not-fun and i'm dying inside

pidge groaned, clenching the sides of her shirt and curling up into a ball on the floor of her workshop. she hated this—not having pads on demand was horrible. 

 

she was lucky alteans at least had an idea of toilet paper. she had a wad stuck in her underwear, and she was ready for death. a warmed packet of space juice was under her shirt and a type of altean marshmallow-y sweet was on her desk. 

 

it was all she could do to withstand the pain of her whining uterus. she groaned again, letting out a suffering sigh.

**Author's Note:**

> you guys should follow me on tumblr; it's nearly-witching. i reblog miraculous ladybug, steven universe, and voltron: legendary defenders and occasionally some political shit + i write headcanons sometimes + all my shit is organised there


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